So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
