i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
