i may or may not be watching the land before time
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
