Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
