its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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