I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
