You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
