What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize