someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
