I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
