dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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