it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
