and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
