The best revenge is premature balding
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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