Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
