I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
