He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize