i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
