I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She even gives head with a lisp.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
