I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
