Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
