dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
me + whiskey = a bad person
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I have tasted many bathrooms
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
