I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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