I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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