I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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