Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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