there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
