she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
