she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
