Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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