There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
