I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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