i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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