i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
This is my gift to your gina
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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