Where are you?
In a non slutty way
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
