You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize