i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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