I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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