so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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