I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
