Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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