Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
