and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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