the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
