God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
