youre lurking in front of me
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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