I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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