I heard we made out
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
