and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
