I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
