I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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