Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
