Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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