i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
