I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
