in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
