I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
