So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize