i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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