The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
