Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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