I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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