well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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