who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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