my soul wont recognize me after tonight
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize