i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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