Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
