so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
