I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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